PeaS

i am so super exhausted.e last time i felt anywhere near this bad, i ended up in the hosp for 5 days.in e afternoon lect was e worst.felt like i couldnt move a muscle n ached everywhere.wonder wad wld have happened if i had juz closed my eyes.drift away..

the song by michael jackson, u are not alone..suddenly popped into my mind..another day's gone by..can't say anything has improved..on a lighter note, this soci mod i'm taking is really interesting. e most interesting mod i've taken so far..

oi! stop fighting la! everything also wanna argue.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

what a week. cant remember what happened last wkend. cos its all been abt monday onwards. when everything that he'd been fighting against proved too much as he succumbed to the pressure and pain. what do u know of pain? he's hurt. he's always been. now the wounds are rising to the surface, making themselves known. time will tell whether he will blanket them or let them do what they've come out to do.

the sound of breaking glass shattering in my head. like the best predators it sits n waits for the opportune moment to pounce on an ever weakening prey. it grabs hold, never letting go. blood dripping from its hands.

Friday, January 12, 2007

hmmm..wanted to write 2 tnp but they need my home address n all..i should juz write to comfort..but i'll still need to write my add rite? i hope they dont reply.. they better not if they know what's gd 4 them! =p aniwaez walked home after the lecture again. this time the weather was the other way round. raining as i left skool n got lighter n lighter as i reached home..mayb i should use a nick..

i shall be myself. my secretive self. my quiet self. it should be easier that way.

times like these make walking home from school a nice prospect. add in the rain factor, it becomes irresistable. had 4hr break betw lect today so i walked home. at first it had juz stopped raining, then started to drizzle, then halfway it got heavy. dunno y it feels nice walking in the rain. mayb it lets me feel something other than hurt n sadness. i'll probly walk back 2 sch later n walk home aft the lect if i'm not goin elsewhere. n i feel like walking to n from sch everyday. if it makes me feel better.

i'd like to thank the driver of Comfort Cab SH 6810 Y for graciously offering me a free ride in his taxi after seeing me walking in the pouring rain. i declined his offer as i wanted to walk but i'm heartened to know that there still are compassionate people like him around. i'm gonna find out how to write to tnp. hope he reads tnp =)

Thursday, January 11, 2007

"and i...i dun wanna speak these words...cause i...i dun wanna make things any worse..."

one should know one's place in this world. my place isn't with u.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

hi.. i'm losing it..

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

tuff tuff.. its gettin tougher everyday.. every hour.. every minute.. every second.. every moment.. i juz gotta do it huh? no matter wad i do, i cant change it so it doesnt matter rite? i mite as well juz do wad i want den i wont feel so miserable. but its not as simple as that. the complex nature of human relations... fly... if it stays like this when the time comes, i'll fly.. that time will come. i'd have reached my limit in facing this challenge. at times it feels as though i already reached that limit. i juz need to hold on for a few more yrs. work on other areas in my life.

what is it like to be happy? i seem to have forgotten how it feels.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

i wish u could read my mind. i guess its better that u cant. allow me to live in my dream for just a while longer. i know when i wake up u'll be gone forever. all it took was a moment to make me think of the endless possibilities. what it takes is a lifetime to forget them. i wish u well i always will. do what i can to keep the tears from running down ur cheeks. in a perfect world we'd be together. maybe only in my perfect world we'd be as one. i cannot help but to think of the day we take our different paths in life. that day is coming much sooner than i want. though it'd be easier if our lives didn't cross, i'm thankful to have met u. hope was all i ever had. hope is all that i'm holding on to. n i hope u're happy =')

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

running usually helps. but today it didnt. dont know why. will go cycling tmr. muz keep myself healthy n as fit as possible.

hmm there're some things i wanna do...
- go geylang buy dat nice nasyid compilation
- go to the beach n chill, some alone time but not by myself(u get wad i mean?)
- dat thing i've been wanting to do for so long which insya-Allah i'll do this year once my timetable for next sem is finalized
cant remember wad else. seemed like there were a few more things...

feelin rather terrible. couldn't sleep last nite. now i juz feel terrible. lack of rest makes me feel terrible. this is so terrible. i wanna go geylang buy cd nasyid. heard a really nice compilation the last time i went but didnt go into the shop cos we're rushing. i'm feeling really terrible.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

u live ur life thinking that nobody cares abt what u do, how u feel, what u want because in ur world, what u can see, is that there's really is no one. such is the weakness of us humans. there actually is somebody. someone who doesn't wish for u to know. maybe he(generalising) does but he can't. u can never know unless he tells u. try to look again. u might be able to see something u missed before. try as he might to avoid expressing himself there could be those little things that he could be doing without realising he's giving himself away cos the feeling takes on a life of its own. it's a feeling that requires expression. suppressing it is going against its natural tendencies. u'd need to be on high alert all the time. a moment's lapse in concentration could give u away. but only if she's watching.

what can you see?

to the world, you may be some person.
to some person, you may be the world.

i am not in the business of breaking hearts and destroying relationships.
i am in the middle of mending and restoring mine.

it's getting worse. i'm falling deeper. this cannot be happening! i know a way out but i don't want to leave yet i know i have to. haiz. i guess i should juz go before it's too late. what i have is a slippery rope. i should climb out before i fall too deep. my strength will come from trust.

this is not helping. am i too late?

nono.. i will do it even if i can't.. i did it before so surely i can do it again.. it's a tactic which works.. problem is it works to achieve the short term goal without caring about the long run..

it's like i was in a dream which turned into a nightmare n i can't wake up cos i'm comatose.

Monday, January 01, 2007

maajuz came back from malacca. abit carlagged... my d is abit spoilt =( like there's sumthin stuck under it. ugh. shall try not 2 use words wif d in them... kampong was quite nice. long time since we last went back.. 1st day weather quite nice, didnt rain, not too warm. 2nd day still no rain but got rather hotttt. today rain rain rain rain! on e way back on e highway we saw some areas which were flooded. beside e highway. water halfway up e house. gd thing its a HIGHway. otherwise it'll be flooded too =x drive drive drive! i wanna keep driving!!

when u see some1 who's suffered most his life be so happy, it juz makes me think how great God is and to be patient facing my challenges. its such a beautiful sight it brings tears 2 my eyes..

wad's wif the DDDDDd??