PeaS

yesterday was quite a terrible day. felt quite terrible. couldnt really sleep e nite before. felt very tired e whole day. training in e evening was ok at first. but i think i'm not used to training in aircon. after an hour or so felt totally weak, nauseous, giddy. i'm jus hoping it really is cos of the aircon or not enuff rest or ate too much b4 training etc and not cos of worsening condition. come to think of it, i guess it's better for me to obtain a degree vs dip. should, hopefully, get better pay. can use e extra funds to save up in case e need for transfusion arises. of cos it'll be best if i dun need the transfusion but i can't predict e future. n furthermore, i've been feeling worse in the later stages of this yr. n this month is worst. blacking out almost everyday. nxt appt in june though. thinking of calling up to see if can make it earlier.

got the call yesterday. didnt make it into ivp team for nxt yr (2 wks time actuali). disappointed i am but i dun think i'm ready yet. will spend the coming yr working on my weaknesses and enhancing my strengths. for the time being, with no training, i'll focus on physical n stickwork at home. somehow i'll need to improve my physical state. hopefully the above-mentioned situation doesn't curb me too much.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

the pain.. so real.. it's stopped raining.. yet i'm drenched.. in sadness.. maybe this is what love's about.. sacrifices.. sacrifices.. n even more sacrifices.. faith.. is all i have.. belief.. that one day i'll find the happiness that's eluded me.. trust.. that it's all for my own good.. challenges.. to face.. every victory will make me stronger.. prepare me for even greater challenges in the future.. the pain.. so real..

God-willing, i'll be there for u if u should ever need me. for now, u don't. at times i do wish that u won't need me. but other times i long for a moment wif u. i never thought i'd have to do it. twice. but it's something i gotta do. n wif all my might i will do it. God-willing, i will not fail.

Monday, December 25, 2006

spent the day deciding on which mods to take. have a few combinations now. best if i dun need to repeat any of last sem's mods but i'm not too optimistic. the worst single module to repeat wld be calculus. cos its e pre-req for TWO compulsory level 2000 mods. we'll see how tmr. less than 12hrs left of waiting.

enuff of sch 4 now. i'm hungry. wad shall i eat. oh there's mum's fried rice. yumyum! i'll go get it now. brb. haha.... back! oh man this fried rice is jus super duper delicioussss!!! too bad u can onli read abt me eating eat. enjoying it! haha.. think i'll finish eating 1st.. too nice.. haha..

ok back to blogging..4got all dat i wanted to say juz now..sighz..hmmm...let me try to rem...dot dot dot dot..fruit plus is great! i love chewy sweets! oh..i'm quite scared by the prospect of sch reopening..haiz..some things are juz better left unsaid..

Saturday, December 23, 2006

i noe my place. it's nowhere near ur heart. i pray that u are n will always be happy wif him.

so many things still running thru my mind. y aren't they ever tired? or better, y can't i have their kind of stamina! 4 nites of floorball passed pretty swiftly. friendly this sun seems to be on. cant wait to play.

Friday, December 22, 2006

alot of things been going on. depeleted of energy but still i kept on going. having the faith to believe that it can only go one way from here, upwards. gots super alot of stuff running ard in my head. poor brain. haf 2 keep thinking n thinking n thinking. cant seem to stop it from thinking so much. i noe i cant do it. i never believed i could do it. but still the promise is made n i haf to do it. y do i keep doing what is right? onli recently haf i tried not to do "the right thing". felt really good. like life isnt so mundane. but i've revert 2 being the old self. yet another dream i didnt chase. hey could it be 2? 2 at once? yeah. it is. 2 dreams. i realise i need to be in a situation where i'm helping others so that i will not think abt my situations. i need the help. nobody came (if u are me then u will understand what i mean by "nobody") they need the help. i want to help them. the fewer ppl who feel like me in this world the better. we dont live forever. maybe that's why we want to find all the happiness we can in this short life. we live in a world which more often than not requires interaction. lack of interaction will resort in a deep feeling of loneliness which could cause depression. if u don't understand what i'm saying, just imagine a clown. to me, the saddest person in the world becomes a clown. do u remember the clown? i'm sure u don't understand even more.