PeaS

currently i live a life riddled with secrets. i hope that one day when the dust has settled and people have stopped pointing fingers at me, these people would listen to what i have to say. just spare a thought for the reasons why i chose to do certain things. some of them were mistakes though, i'll be the first to admit that. but there are some decisions which were forced upon me to take. it angers me to be criticized for taking those decisions.

one day i will go away, quietly disappear from the memories of people i've known, liked and loved. i bet they won't miss me as much as i'd miss them but that just adds to my desire to leave this living hell.

studying? i have much left to learn from this life and its people. i am close to throwing it all away. it being this so-called bright future which to me seems rather obscure. anyway, you never know when it'll end. for all your hard thought planning, your sands of time could run out sooner than you expected. i guess the best thing for me now would be amnesia. i'm sure several people out there just like me wouldn't mind it happening to them. but of course, that is based on the error prone judgement of a "lifeless dood seeking rejuvenation"......

Sunday, May 14, 2006

imagine picnic at the beach. usually it'd be the sand, sea, SUN... yesterday was rather different. it was the MOON! (full moon too!) haha.. 4 families of us went to changi beach last nite. reached there around 10+pm, made quite a lot of noise n disturbing the peace enjoyed by the overnite campers hehe. i muz say i thoroughly enjoyed myself eventhough i didnt feel like going. kinda in lazy mood. but the kids made it more fun than i expected. played some ball games. had a few of mightily funny moments. haha. we finally went home abt 4am after 6hrs of fun n games.

didnt expect myself to wake up so early considering i reached home at 430am, struggled to fall asleep. woke up at 11 or thereabouts. had sort of a hangover from the previous nite. felt really miserable. too miserable. nearly lost it. gd thing i didnt..

Monday, May 08, 2006

been havin diarrhoea for e past 2 days but its gettin better now thankfully. rather tiring having to go to the toilet so many times..

"my love for you still grows
this i do for you
before i try to fight the truth my final time"
..taken from the song Understanding by Evanescence..

Sunday, May 07, 2006

operation slow loris started last friday. the primary aim of this major exercise is to let go of the past. we're expected to take a rather long time to achieve this primary aim but our performance so far has been commendable. we have done and must continue to do what it takes to reach our target. focus and concentration are paramount. we cannot let our guard down for even a second because it could undermine our efforts. patience is key in this op.

i didnt do it cos of e reasons i told u. i dun juz follow ppl blindly. i have my principles. i did it bcos of u. n not bcos i wanted ur attention. but bcos i knew u hated it. i knew u hated ppl who did it. i had a gd look at myself n realised dat i couldn't make u happy e way i want to. i realised dat i'm no where near gd enuff 4 some1 like u. if i didnt do it, there'd still be a minute chance dat u'll like me. i cant take dat chance cos if u do, i mite jus disappoint u. n i dont wanna disappoint u, i dont wanna hurt ur feelings. we cant b together. i cant bear to hurt u. u deserve more than what u'll get by bein wif me. if u can understand this den u'll understand y i did it. it really is 4 u. i muz make sure u dun like me b4 its too late yes it seems impossible now but anything can happen in e future. so wateva happens, i beg of u, pls dun fall 4 me. in e mean time, i'll continue doing all i can to make sure it doesnt happen n for u to be happy for him, whoever he is.
(...what other reason need there be, when love is the only reason...)