PeaS

haha i sort of forgot i had a blog.. aniwaez, this mite not make sense to u. n i hope it doesn't.

i'm confused. i really don't noe wad to do or say. wad i'm going thru now seems like a dream compared to wad i've been going thru for e past yr. like in a dream,i'm very happy. but if this is a dream, it means i'll wake up one day, fall back to reality. so is this a dream? in the end, will it matter? i guess only time will tell.

Time fertilizes the barren earth;
Feelings may grow with time.
Time fertilizes the barren earth;
New ones may develop.

you want it. yet you find yourself in a time when the doors of opportunities have only just opened. you don't want to regret not grabbing this opportunity. yet you don't want to cause hurt.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

finally... it's been done... all is peaceful inside =))))))))
THANK GOD

it's not like i'm totally wishing tt she likes me too. half of me is hoping tt she doesn't. this is a battle which seems destined for a loss. but i noe,should i lose,i can make it a victory by learning smtg from it. it's gonna end soon. sooner than i hoped i would last. there are things in this world one has to sacrifice. it's unfortunate for me tt this has to be one of those things. i will fly again.....

"i kept everything inside
and eventhough i tried
it all fell apart
what it meant to me
will eventually be a memory
of a time when i tried so hard"
~Linkin Park, In The End

Sunday, November 16, 2003

UNBELIEVABLE! simply unbelievably unbelievable! rem my pri sch best fren i talked abt not too long ago? u probly dont but i dun care. well, i found him! actually, he found me. thru.. haha.. friendster! on the one hand,i feel excited n overjoyed. but on e other hand, i dunno wat to expect. time has gone by n maybe a lot of things have changed. i'd jus like to thank God for crossing our paths once again. this has been a truly wonderful month for me.

this being caught in 2 minds thing doesnt stop there. on the one hand, it would be nice to noe if she likes me. but on the other hand, even if she does like me, there's not much i can do. not like i can get into a relationship or wat rite now. we'll still be frens(i hope), only diff is we both noe wat's in each other's hearts.

but i doubt she feels tt way. call me a pessimist, it's a secondary problem of mine (along with being shy). i've been thinkin, my root prob is tt i'm self-unconfident. lack of confidence means i dun dare to believe or hope for smtg good. neither am i brave enuff to speak my mind in person. but i'm not a complete misfortune-seeking bugger or self-muted. it's jus tt sometimes i'm confident enuff to tell a joke here n there n so on. e question is, how do i have better control over my confidence? so that i can tell her how i really feel etc..
-still wondering-

Friday, November 14, 2003

wat shall i say abt As so far.. hmmm..
how was it? i'll see how when e march awaited results r released. hehe

went hockey training yest. felt really great to be holding e stick n whacking e ball once again. haha i'm so unfit. only lasted e first drill which was one to one hitting. rested for e rest of e drills den played e mini match. n now my body's aching all over. haha
oh e guys have a new coach mr roy. scc player. played against him b4 in div2/3 i think cos he looks very familiar. there're some similarities betw him n our prev coach but mr roy, i think, is better at instilling a sense of discipline in e guys. tt's wat i think la but then i've only gone for one training session.

abt my last post, in the end, i'm still just abt keeping it to myself. just abt. told a fren wat's on e surface n it was enuff. for now.

Friday, November 07, 2003

can't keep it to myself much longer,
am terribly in need of proper slumber.
on the brink of failure once again,
the pain is too much for me to stand.
i'm really sorry.