| ................................................. |
|
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
1st day wearing specs. haha. quite fun. dun actually hv to wear it since e degree is quite v low. but it makes me feel studious. feel v lazy when not wearing. haha. now tt i've bought 'em, i'll hv to postpone my purchase of a new pair of shoes (again!). haiz. been spending so much lately. discman, insoles, specs...
thank God! my eyes dun feel as tho they're burning under e sun anymore. been burning for several days. Mon was most terrible. i actually went to sch on mon cos of e titanic soccer clash with 2sg2. hahaha. we lost 2-3. their winner coming in e last kick of e game. haha. was quite fun tho we missed a lot of chances (n i'm guilty for many of 'em :( ). hope we get a rematch nx mon. haha. den alan wont hv to be so pissed. haha. n hope i dun feel like i'm abt to faint aft playin again! hah. i was ->this<- close to faintin man. terrible.. but above all tt, tho this thing appears below all tt (harrr harrr.), it seems like 'tis e season to be gloomy. quite a no. of me frenz feeling down, sad, depressed etc etc. haiz. n i'm not a gd person to talk to. dun really noe how to console pple. man, on mon i got banged tryin to console a fren (which basically means tt mon was one of e most terrible days of my life). but i dun blame her. iz jus a personal opinion on her part. on a lighter note, wif my specs, i'm trying to resurrect my life. wont be easy, i noe but i'm gonna try. even if it means getting condemned, critcised, hurt, wadeva. i'll turn ard n pick up e pieces. [me old blog title: it's MY life, & it's NOW or NEVER!] SmileZ y'all!!!! PeaS Friday, July 18, 2003
i admit.. some times.. fine.. most of e time.. i kinda do things tt worsen wadeva injuries/illness those kinda things. i cant help it. not tt i want to but i get this sense of knowing tt wad i'm feeling is MY FAULT. guess i jus like to blame myself. dun noe y but it helps me overcome some grief. stupid me.. my vision too. as much as i love my once perfect eyesight, i'm guilty of not taking care of 'em even when they began 2 hurt. like yest. i stared at e comp for abt 3hrs. den e whole day 2dae my eyes were hurting a lot. nowsadays e glare frm e sun is unbearable. maybe also cos i once loved to stare at tt big star....
i'm a total wreck. i feel utterly lonely. like nobody carez. but i noe there r pple out there who do. jus tt. i feel tt way. one gd turn bad thing happened jus b4 i left sch at ard 630pm. mr harvey asked if i wanted to come down for barkerites game on sat. be e manager. (WOW! HAPPINESSS!!). den i remembered. me n me family goin jb on sat. (DEPRESSED). guess tt's jus e way it is. basically, i'm confused inside. i dun really understand y i do certain things which hurt me. all i noe is tt i do it. den wen i'm home, alone in my room, looking back to wat i did, i jus wish i hadnt done it. tt's how i feel every nite. i suppose it's at tt time jus b4 i sleep tt my stupid facade fades away only to return e moment i walk outta my house. i hv no ctrl o'er it. but maybe life wud've been a lot worse without it. Thursday, July 17, 2003
hmm..thankz 4 e suggestions.. dun tink i'll get contacts.. n not e rimless specs also(too ex).. anw now i tink iz more of my re-focusing time frm seeing smtg near to seeing smtg far is jus a lot longer than b4 la.. but then again, sometimes it does look blurrieee.. see how la..
>>> i actually a nice lil poem came to me last nite.. e words were near perfect.. tried to rmbr it this morning but cudnt.. i got e meaning but not e words.. goes smtg like: These shoulders are holders, Supporting the hopes and the dreams, Of my parents, But it's not what it seems. Cos they've been through so much, Sacrificed a lot, So what's a lil bit a load, For a big lotta justice? My shoulders, They are holders. verrrrrrrrrrrrry rhyme.. nvm.. Monday, July 14, 2003
haiz.. gd news to report.. i'm becoming short-sighted.. rite now my eyes hurt wen i try to look at distant objects & they arent as clear as b4.. dunno whether i shud go get specs now or wait.. haiz.. if i tell my parents, they'll prolly say iz coz i spent too much time on e com.. been spending a lot less time now(in e hope of not worsenin my eyesight).. anw there's nuttin much to go online for.. so i shall try ta stay afk as much as possible.. in e mean time... ouch..
Saturday, July 12, 2003
life is jus a lie wif a big F....
Linkin Park - Lying From You when i pretend everything is what i want it to be i look exactly like what you had always wanted to see when i pretend i can forget about the criminal i am stealing second after second just cause i know i can / but i can't pretend this is the way it will stay / i'm just lying to fend the truth i can't pretend i'm who you want me to be so i'm lying my way from you [no / no turning back now] i wanna be pushed aside so let me go [no / no turning back now] let me take back my life i'd rather be all alone [no turning back now] anywhere on my own cause i can see [no / no turning back now] the very worst part of you is me i remember what they taught to me remember condescending talk of who i ought to be remember listening to all of that and this again so i pretended up a person who was fitting in and now you think this person really is me and i'm [lying to fend the truth] but the more i push the more i'm pulling away 'cause i'm lying my way from you this isn't what i wanted to be i never thought that what i said would have you running from me like this the very worst part of you the very worst part of you is me Thursday, July 10, 2003
got this intro of eminem's "till i collapse". iz a highly motivational quote esp when u listen wif e backgrd music in e song.
"Cause sometimes you just feel tired. You feel weak and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse. " Wednesday, July 09, 2003
i gotz another fucked up song... this one's e famous barney i luv u,u luv me song..
i fuck u, u fuck me, we're one fucked up family, with a great big fuck n a fuck from me 2 u, wont u say u'll fuck me too?! hahaha koolz Monday, July 07, 2003
hv u ever been so afraid of sleeping cos u mite not wake up ever again? then all ur secrets will go along wif u. maybe those which u've shared wif ya frenz will survive but not those u've kept to urself.
to a certain extent, i am afraid. for 3 nights in a row, i've had this nitemare which i'm not sure whether its actually a nitemare or i'm really feeling it. i'd wake up in e middle of e nite n feel as though i'm losing consciousness. iz like waking up for e last time b4 i blackout. forever. n when i wake up in tt "nitemare" i see my room e same way as i do when i really wake up which is wat's making me think tt i cud actually be blacking out in my sleep. 3 nites in a row. a mere coincidence? or is a 4th nite coming tonite? i'm scared, i really m. so many things i've kept to myself. they'll jus die wif me. its scarier cos i get blackouts pretty often. but if its e case then, its God's will. so sayonarra, try tomorra, nice to noe ya. (tt last line is frm eminem's "hailie's song" btw)
juz survived another 5min session of sharp pain inside of my body. somewhere at e left abdomen. fucking painful. haiz.. sometimes i'm juz so fucked up. nothing else to say for now
there's a minor change to this blog. geesh i cant stop changing.
firstly, some pple r jus fucked up. so fucked up tt they cant even fuck. them assholes. fuck them. 2ndly, i dun give a fuck wat u're thinkin rite now aft u've read wad i jus wrote. 3rdly, i've NEVER felt better. so fuck e world 4thly, here's my fucked up version of the chorus of Michael Jackson's "Heal The World": Fuck the world Make it a fucked up place Fuck you and fuck me and fuck entire human race There are people fucking So fuck 'em all and start fucking Make it a fucked up place, fuck you and fuck me .. sounds cool eh?... fuck you Friday, July 04, 2003
e following songs are jus great:
Noise Therapy - Far Away, G-hole, Get Up, INSIDE, WHAT KIND OF FREAK, Yesterday Disturbed - DROPPIN' PLATES, FEAR, Meaning Of Life, STUPIFY, The Game, Voices Fear Factory- Cars, INVISIBLE WOUNDS(DARK BODIES) Eminem - Hailie's Song Linkin Park - *ALL THEIR SONGS* Adema - *all their songs*
itz e end of another sch wk. cudnt be happier! haha.. best part is tt we've got an xtra long wkend since mon is youth day. haha. 3 days of rest. better make fool use of it n slack. haha. dunno wad else to write rite now. haha.
hmmm.. so syafiq, how's e 1st wk of sch? well, guess iz ok. feels a bit strange to be ard so many pple again. ahhh.. today was quite sleepy la. stayed up till 12+ last nite tryin to console my gd fren who's jus havin one of those "sch sux n every1 doesnt bother abt me so maybe i shud kill myself" moods. but tt wasnt e cause of my sleepiness n tiredness. it was smtg else. smtg i'll only let out if anything goes wrong. terribly wrong.. aniwaez.. iz e wkend!!! hv i said tt? haha Tuesday, July 01, 2003
well, i'm still breathing.. hahahaha :))
i'd jus wanna make this known to whoever reads this. i tried on several occassions to get mr H to erm take back my capt badge. i tot n still think tt if he had done so, i'd be able to contribute more 2 e team. man, if i didnt hv this need/desire to play, i'd hv stopped coming for trng as of mid-dec. tt was wen i 1st asked him abt stepping down. hmm.. our post season meetg is next wk. i'm jus hoping for him 2 ask whether he's right in not letting me step down. if he asks so my straight ans wud be "sir,u said this is e worst yr of our lives.i still think my yr could hv been better." wahahaha
i'd like to stress tt i'm HAPPIEE cos my condition isnt as bad as some other pple. i jus thank God tt isnt worse than it is. some pple need regular blood transfusions which result in other complications lyk iron overload. i havent needed a single transfusion though i may hv to one day. my hemoglobin level may be low but it isnt low enuff for a transfusion. i'll always be happy thinking tt my liking for bread has helped me to maintain my iron level at an acceptable level which reduces my anemia(tt's usually linked to fatigue). hahaha i can jolly well be happy
i feel happy jus thinkin bout hockey. deep within me, this is wad i feel like doin:
migrate to a country which has a more or less developed hockey league, play for e worst team in e worst division, move on to coaching wen i can no longer play, coach tt team i played for. if i dun migrate den i'll jus be a barkerites man. muahaha if i become a coach, i'd probly nvr get employed. cos personally, i'm against playing for prizes. i jus wanna play it cos its fun. no doubt competition can sometimes bring e best out of pple. but so wad if we(my team) get mauled. e thing i'd wanna inject into my team wud be to go onto e pitch n play hockey n enjoy ourselves. dun get stressed out by missing an open goal. haha jus play.
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||