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Tuesday, December 30, 2003
finally, my keyboard has come back from the dead.
"there must be a reason for our paths to have crossed. maybe you're right.maybe it is just a temporary relief from stresses elsewhere. we were the advocates of 'study now, relationships later' but if this were to happen 5,6,7,8 years down the road, it would be the same, wouldn't it? us, still separated by choice, by religion. and perhaps that is the reason why it happened now." ~Blurrieee~ Saturday, December 20, 2003
meditation is a very powerful tool. helps to get one's mind relaxed so that one is better able to sleep, have better concentration etc etc etc i'm sure u know all that. but strangely, not many people meditate.
how's life? LG? maybe. there is still work to be done. about 2 wks till sch reopens and i'm sitting here for the first time in 12yrs not bothering abt sch. feels quite strange. working life will be a totally new experience. school hasn't prepared me well for work. but isit really their fault? i like to think that its mine. how bout a flashback? no, not right now. maybe in a few weeks time jus in case there are those disturbing memories waiting in a box at the back of my mind, waiting for the chance to launch another vicious attack. 12yrs of education (14 if you include kindergarten). 12yrs of endless war against self-conciousness. how far have i gotten? not very. at least i have the knowledge that the last few yrs hv been the most successful. so the battle continues into a 13th year. the future awaits... ahhh, the future. nobody knows what's there. everybody dreams of something there. it may be that i have become too indulgent about the future, and the past, to actually live the present. like everyone else, i dream of something in several years time. the desire to know whether it'll happen then has made me lose sight of a more important mission. perhaps this could be my downfall. after those several years have passed, maybe i'll look back to this time and point to it as the reason for my eventual failure. because i have not lived today. Friday, December 12, 2003
i keep hearing stuff in my mind. it's driving me to the point of insanity. i don't feel. i think. what do i feel like doing today? nothing. what do i think i'll do today? everything. caught between two minds. one says this. the other says that. this does not equal to that. of course i could go on and on about things i fail to comprehend. shall not do that. shall not do this either. whatever that comes to my mind is transferred to the hands. keep it simple. lalalalalala wants to go to the annual party at the trek. newby blog told thi stay because of casual dress affair. butterfly. the strange thing about the strange is that it is strange so what is the strange thing. don't you think you need somebody because you don't need everybody. exit stage left. investigate behind for these things are happening. you just don't know it yet. nice cheek. that is so blatantly ignorant. escape escape escape escape. hull? indoctrination. cease fire. pull back. typer. talk. van drain. enigma. beneficiary. volatile. closeness. trapped. hardman. bounce. catsnake. fervent. umpiring. cluster. poundless. weep. donk. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve. serve.
dont understand. pointless. just pointless. will you give me some pointers? i'm pointless. post and publish. dictionary. sounds of music filling the room of brother. shhhhhhh wake up. Thursday, December 11, 2003
been slacking a lot lately. wondering if i can get my fitness up b4 reporting to ns which i still hv got no clue as to when n where i hv to go. haha shall go check e mailbox later. i've had dreams tt i hv to report e nx day. haha.
i hate you. i HaTe yoU. I haTe YOu. i HatE You. who are you? -lost and confused Wednesday, December 10, 2003
wonder if u can hear the backgrd music: Guns N Roses - November Rain
ok. decided not to play e U21 competition nx yr. dun feel up to e challenge. must've slacked too much. haha! on a more serious note, i jus dun feel like playing competitively. loss of desire,i guess. jus wanna play for fun not for championships. in the mean time, gotta get my fitness up, prepare for ns. still waiting for the inevitable letter. Monday, December 08, 2003
"Nothing is great like friendship on earth,
No jewel no pearl has got its worth. No one except a friend can be trusted, Your life will never ever get rusted." "To let friendship die away by negligence and silence is certainly unwise. It's voluntary to throw away one of the greatest comforts of weary pilgrimage." Sunday, December 07, 2003
yes, time doesn't ever go back. yes, i may live to regret this decision(in fact,i almost feel like i already have). but life is not jus abt u n me. over 6billion other pple live on planet. most of whom we dun exert a significant impact on but there's tt little grp of pple who will be affected greatly by our choices; our family, frens n others close to us.
was i hurt by that decision? i'd be a hypocrite if i said no. it's definitely not easy making sacrifices, tt's y they're called tt. it's easier to handle,though, wen i think of all e sacrifices my parents hv made to raise this child of theirs. since this doesnt jus concern me, i'm hoping tt she thinks tt way too. i keep thinking tt i haven't treated her as nicely as i should hv. won't bother to give any excuse for tt. it's MY fault so hate me for tt. "Man plans the way through his life. God determines which paths are open, and which ones are closed." Friday, December 05, 2003
sometimes sorry jus isn't enough, no matter how much u mean it, cos the wound u caused is jus so deep. when this happens, ur only hope left... is time. with time, the wounds may disappear. with time, the wounds may heal. but u may have left a scar.
we shall wait.. n see.. what time will do to us.. ah the waiting game.. calls for much patience.. "absence diminishes small loves but develops big ones. like the wind puts off the candle but feeds the forest fire." Thursday, December 04, 2003
yest e class chalet was quite fun..cos beach soccer is fun! watapity though..couldn't stay over...
dun feel like doing anything now. jus feel like going away,overseas maybe,or jus go into 'hiding'. the weight of pple's hopes n dreams get heavier even after As. my parents, my relatives. they all say the same thing. i'm sure u've got ur own pressures too. so i've decided. a decision i have come to... if u try to please everybody,u'll only succeed in hurting every1. eventhough "i tried so hard,n got so far but in the end, it doesn't even matter" ~LP, in the end BUT "I'm a soldier These shoulders hold up so much They wont budge, I'll never fall or fold up I'm a soldier Even if my collar bones crush or crumble I will never slip or stumble" ~Eminem, Soldier Monday, December 01, 2003
watapity..i noe smtg's wrong wif my body but, too bad, e docs can't seem to find out wat it is. haha maybe i swallowed a needle but dun remember it cos it sure feels like there's one in my body sometimes. haha or perhaps sumbody out there's practising voodoo on me. if u are, can u purrlease stop it? PeaS? =)
"to let go doesn't mean to stop caring. to let go is to learn there's something beyond. to let go means accepting reality. to let go is is loving more coz u only want the best."
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